Practicing Grace

It's been a tough few weeks around here, folks. Big decisions being made. Career changes. Yet another 1800 mile cross country move. We are stressed, tired, overwhelmed, and sometimes thinking we might have a touch of the crazy. (Ok...maybe more than a touch.) Packing has commenced and, once again, we are living in the disorganization of preparing for relocation.

Emotions are all over the map. One minute thoughts are exciting and rosy--eager for the adventure of the unknown. The next minute brings panic and something akin to, "What the hell are we doing? Have we gone completely bonkers?" (Why yes, yes we have. But that's ok.) Unsurprisingly, we've experienced anger, hurt, fear, nervousness, worry, but every day is better than the day before as we grow used to, and embrace, the coming changes.

From the moment this craziness began, we made a pact. After 21 years of marriage, we know that stress can breed ugliness--words spoken that aren't really meant, fights that would never have happened otherwise, irritation over things that would normally be overlooked. So we made a pact to have grace for each other. Lots and lots of grace. Guess what? It's worked. Grace works. In those moments when an argument is imminent over some dumb thing, we've worked hard to stop and remember that this is stress talking. A long hug and a deep breath help remedy the ugliness, bringing a calm. Yes, I am proud of us. Life is hard enough. No need to worsen the trials with harsh or unloving words that accomplish nothing beyond hurt. Joy, peace, and laughter, even in the midst of stress. It's all about giving grace. To practice grace every single day, in every relationship and in every situation, is a goal worthy of our very best effort.

Love you, JP.  Here's to a relationship full of grace, love, laughter, and a touch of the crazy!

What to do with The Ugly

The past.  We all have one. Some of ours may be a bit more "colorful" than others. I have to admit to a bit of a rainbow myself. Yep, I've got a past full of mistakes of all shapes and sizes, bad choices, and seasons of falling flat on my face in a nasty mess of horribly lacking faith.  But...I have a Savior whose sacrifice has covered my past, removing it as far from me as the East is from the West. I choose to walk in that grace, that forgiveness--to believe Him and trust that He keeps His word. I choose to trust that He is enough.

So what do we do with our pasts once we are forgiven, once we have been delivered?  We extend grace, love, and mercy to others, just as it was extended to us. Use the ugly to make your little corner of the world more beautiful. Did you get pregnant in high school?  Go love and support a scared, stressed teen mom. Have you overcome an addiction?  Give real help and mercy to someone in the throes of their own struggles.  Were you guilty of condemning others, mired in graceless judgement? Go be there for those in the fringes, without a place to belong.  Be Jesus...grace, mercy, kindness and true empathy.  

What do we not do with our pasts?  Wallow in them or let them control our present. Don't believe the enemy when he tells you that the hard times are punishment for your shortcomings.  See this for what it is--a big, fat lie. His desire is for you to walk in defeat, but you already have victory...you've only to claim it, walking into a new future. 

My heart has been heavy these past few weeks for some of you struggling so and allowing your pasts to affect your present. This quote from Graham Cooke spoke volumes to my heart.  I hope it touches yours as well. 

"Whenever God gives freedom, it is always implicit that the freedom He gives you can be given to other people. You go around setting other people free from the very thing that you were victimized by.  God comes into your life and He turns the areas of abuse into areas of ministry and significance. He gives you a calling in the area where the enemy tried to strip you of your identity or even kill your life. Your testimony is the beginning of your ministry!"

The Worst of Times

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way..."

I find myself contemplating a bit of Dickens this morning, recalling a very trying season of our lives. This season, begun so auspiciously and ending in such ugliness and heartache, rarely comes to mind these days.  However there is, on occasion, a happening or a comment that brings with it a rush of memories.  Last week was one such occasion.  It all began with a story--news of dishonesty and lying, of crime and punishment, a story of someone I once knew, distrusted, and who had caused so much hurt.

It's quite interesting really, my default reaction to this news. Suffice it to say, it was ugly.  And prideful. It was the urge to grab the phone and call those who had weathered this season with me, those who knew. It was the longing to email the story to a few people along with a big, "I freaking told you so!"  It was even, I'm truly ashamed to say, laughter. I suppose it could be said that it was one of those moments in life when it seems that a wrong has been somehow righted, when someone who caused you pain gets their comeuppance.

It wasn't long before I felt that nudging, that little voice in my spirit and, to be honest, I didn't really want to listen.  I wanted to have my little "victory" that I was so enjoying.  Self righteousness. Justification. Validation. This reaction of mine included not one ounce of compassion, grace, or mercy.  (Oh my, I find it difficult to even type that now. Shame on me. I told you it was ugly.)  I even chose to ignore, for a little while, the voice of my Father crying for me to stop. But my Jesus is patient, kind, long suffering.  He is grace and mercy, always turning my heart around--as soon as I choose to listen.

I could tell you the exact moment I chose to hear his voice, the moment when he broke my heart with loving reminders of my own imperfections, of shortcomings and times when I, myself, had wronged others. It was a moment of questioning as well, for I thought I'd forgiven. I thought I'd let it go, but something in my heart was still holding on to things thought to be long gone. There was still forgiveness to be had, grace to be given, healing to be done.

If there is anything I've learned in my 41 years, it is this--God is all about the process, using life experiences to constantly mold us into His likeness. I find myself without the ability to express what is in my heart.  His love overwhelms me, drawing me closer, changing me. I am learning, albeit very slowly, to react with grace, to love without judgement, and to trust. Thank you, my precious Jesus, for loving me and for bringing healing through the ugliness.

photo by Kyra...http://agreatmanymiracles.wordpress.com/

Fruitful

Our raspberries, so remarkably hardy that they flourish in spite of the cold Montana winters, went crazy this year.  It could possibly have something to do with the fact that we got them cleaned out, fed and faithfully kept them watered (as opposed to last summer's weed filled, overgrown mess).  The point is, however, that they did incredibly well, spread like wildfire and produced lots of yummy berries.  It was a good year for harvest.

A few days ago, we had our first frost. We covered the gardens and hoped that everything survived. That frosty morning, as I was looking out the window while drinking a nice, hot cup of coffee, I noticed a lone raspberry on one of the canes.  Now this particular cane is one of our oldest and is quite the worse for wear.  In fact, we weren't even certain it was alive this spring.  It has many browned leaves and isn't as tall or lush as the others.  What amazes me most about this old, raggedy raspberry cane is it's fruitfulness.  It outproduced all of them with it's sweet, wonderful berries.

This ugly, sad looking little bush made me think of a scripture in the book of John.
   
              "By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit."

God wants to use my past (and even those things that aren't exactly the distant past) for His glory. Every  decision, act or behavior--good and bad-- makes me who I am today.  All of those ugly things inside me that God has redeemed, every scar that remains even after He heals my hurt and my heart, every tear He has wiped away, every victory that I can claim and every joy and blessing that He has given...all of these things are my responsibility to use.

There are days when I feel like that raggedy raspberry cane looks...brown, old, small, worthless, useless.  Tired.  Days when I feel like I have nothing left to give--fruitless.   But then I am reminded of His mercies that are new every morning, of the miracle that is my heart, of His grace that is greater than all of my sin. I remember these things and find myself extending grace and love where I had once been judging and frustrated. All of those things that the enemy tries to use against me, my God uses for His glory.  He sees beauty where I see ugliness.  He tells me to love others as He loves me.  Be Fruitful.